tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89467969894276815272024-02-20T12:29:32.682-08:00.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-9895416836088172572009-01-21T17:41:00.000-08:002009-01-21T17:45:50.672-08:00My lil you tube videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrFZyVhvm2c<br /><br />Enjoy- PS I would set up the video on the blog but I don't have a second to do it. Screw it, just watch the clip already.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-85646947945476826432009-01-21T17:27:00.000-08:002009-01-21T17:33:39.282-08:00A quick Update<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.firstpeople.us/pictures/bear/Polar_Bears/1600x1200/Sleeping_Beauty_Polar_Bear-1600x1200.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 1600px; height: 1200px;" src="http://www.firstpeople.us/pictures/bear/Polar_Bears/1600x1200/Sleeping_Beauty_Polar_Bear-1600x1200.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Man, life is crazy... but you've heard that before. <br /><br />I'm very sorry I never kept this blog up, I've just been way too busy and haven't had the chance to write like a I used to. This new job keeps me off the interwebs, I'm always working. Plus when I get home, I'm always doing some sheeeet.... sigh.<br /><br />Well, for anyone who cares here's what's happened lately-<br /><br />-I GOT ENGAGED! Yep, I'm going down the long path to marriage with the lady I love. Good times.<br />-My volleyball screenplay is finally finished and being sent out to the directors to get their name attached. Say a prayer that everything goes well.<br />-I shot two shorts- one for festivals, one for shits and grins. The shits and grins one I will post above this blog entry...<br />-I've been working out and I'm getting stronger...<br />-My parents moved to Cali so I've been hanging out with them.<br /><br />That's a quick update... I've gotta run again but much love to anyone who still looks at this blog.<br /><br />JustinThe Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-6112200303715414272008-11-05T10:07:00.000-08:002008-11-05T10:10:41.553-08:00UPDATE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.truthwinsout.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/obama.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 348px;" src="http://www.truthwinsout.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/obama.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I haven't blogged in a while, I've been very busy and stuff. I need to get back into the swing of things. Here's a general update...<br /><br />OBAMA WON! Thank the Lord Above!<br /><br />LA life is really good. My girlfriend and I are doing really well. My dog is super cute. That's going pretty well.<br /><br />I also started working out again, man this getting old shit is for the birds.<br /><br />Started a new job this month in Visual Effects at Warner Bros. It's pretty good so far, I like the people and I am learning a ton about special effects and how to use them in my own movies. The problem is I spend most of the day pushing papers, making fucking copies and generally finding ways to avoid poking my eyes out with my Pentel Energel pen due to my extreme boredom.<br /><br />On other fronts-<br /><br />I'm still working on a script for a big wig producer (for no fucking pay!!!) but if it goes well, I will have more cash than I have ever had... well until I blow it to pay off my government-bailout-sized student loan. SIGH.<br /><br />I'm also working on a short film that I really like, I'll be directing and I wrote it. It's a very cool idea that people seem to like. My girlfriend read it and cried, it's that good. Not bad for a two page script from a hack like me.<br /><br />I'm also hoping that everything works out on this other documentary/corporate film thing that I am working on, if it does I'd also have a ton of cash and get a shit ton of film gear to keep at the end of the shoot! It would be so nice, I can shoot my own film with this equipment and start my own production company, I just hope it works out.<br /><br />But alas, with all of these things, they are almost out of my hands. You try your best and hope that shit doesn't blow up.<br /><br />I hope to have more than one post a month, I need to find more TIME! Please give me more TIME!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-40791407222798746902008-09-23T11:02:00.000-07:002008-09-23T11:13:22.679-07:00I might have a new job... maybeMonday morning I came into work and got a phone call. It was Patt, my champion, my job pimp. She had a new lead for an assistant in visual effects, her department. She asked if I wanted to take a stab at it. I said sure.<br /><br />Two hours, a couple of calls and interviews later, I have the job... I think. I say I think because Patt always jumps the gun on things, trying to push people around to get her way. Which is good and bad, good that she really wants me to have the job, bad if it pisses everyone off and I don't get it.<br /><br />Do I want the job? Sure. That doesn't sound very convincing right? Well, I really want to be writer/director, but that's not jumping out at this time as an option (although my script is doing well with Bonnie ). My second choice would be to be an assistant to a director or producer so that I can learn more about their jobs. But I love VFX and I'd love to learn more about the process of making visual effects happen. Maybe I can turn it into a career, maybe not. I'm not sure but it beats not having a job right? <br /><br />I actually have a job offer on the table to be an assistant to a producer but he's not working right now so that means he can't hire me until he gets on a picture. That's the problem with being a producer's assistant, if they're not working, you're not working. At least at the WB VFX, I have a job that's guaranteed. Plus health insurance and benefits etc.<br /><br />But who knows, maybe I won't get it after all and I won't have to worry about making a choice. Or maybe Bonnie will buy my script, making all of this null. Or maybe I'll be homeless. Only time will tell.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-86662190071206693552008-09-15T17:38:00.001-07:002008-09-15T17:44:30.506-07:00Rock Band 2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://roflgoat.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rockband2.png?w=500&h=240"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://roflgoat.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rockband2.png?w=500&h=240" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />What a great way to waste time and money then to sit around your house playing fake plastic instruments to songs that you don't even like? Right?<br /><br />Well, I can't help it, I've gotta get my Rock Band 2 fix. It's like crack, but more expensive and better for your health. (unless you're smoking crack and playing Rock Band, then you're fucked.)<br /><br />I got Rock Band 2 on Sunday and it pretty much ruined any shot I had at doing any work. I tried to cancel a meeting, but the damn guy wouldn't cancel. Don't you know that Rock Band is more important than my career?<br /><br />The game itself is pretty much the same damn thing as the last one, just more songs. That's all I get for 60 bucks I guess, but I can't complain, it's fun as shit and it's much more fun than cleaning my apartment or writing a script. <br /><br />Now if I could just take all that time sitting around playing plastic instruments and learned to actually play my guitar... wait, why would I do that?The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-63899392890394592562008-09-05T14:07:00.000-07:002008-09-05T14:27:03.236-07:00Crazy Times call for Crazy Measures<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://a281.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/103/l_8fb86ed6c3f65513781c6695814d7460.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://a281.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/103/l_8fb86ed6c3f65513781c6695814d7460.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Man, what a crazy couple of months it has been. Up and down, sideways, all directions. Let's run down a list of recent developments, shall we...<br /><br />-My script about girl's volleyball is going well... sort of well. I'm starting the third draft with the producers very excited about its prospects. They want to move this thing right away, and I'm still working on it. SIGH. It would help if they didn't give me such vague instructions on what they want to change on it. Telling me to add more magic doesn't work. What kind of magic? Like pulling rabbits out of hats? Sawing a girl in half? Call Chris Angel assholes, I'm no magician.<br /><br />-My parents are moving to the OC, so they will be semi local. I'm sort of excited, sort of not. I won't be able to go home on vacation to get away from LA. Now, I will going to the OC to stay in a foreign home that I never lived in. Plus, I can't lose my parents season tickets for the Suns, that was supposed to be my inhertience!<br /><br />-I am loosely involved in producing this bull riding reality TV show that I have no interest in doing. I just got an email today that someone is interested in it... but I'm not. Now I have to do all sorts of work on it, even though I couldn't give a fuck less about it. DOUBLE SIGH.<br /><br />-As I get more busy doing this crap, I have seen my friends less and less. It's sad. Plus, a bunch of people that were my friends are now either a)mad at me and don't like me anymore b)too busy also c)moving away. TRIPLE SIGH.<br /><br />-Good things are happening with my lady friend though. We've been going very strong and things are great!<br /><br />-My dog is still super cute.<br /><br />I guess that's it for now. I know I promised to write more this week... maybe next week?The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-32709086648259945622008-09-02T16:07:00.001-07:002008-09-02T16:07:58.080-07:00I wish I was a dogMy dog Parker is the best. Sure, she pees in the house, doesn’t listen to all commands and has a serious problem digging in the trash can- but who doesn’t right?<br /><br />I often watch her chasing cats, flies, tennis balls, anything really; and I get jealous. Man, it must be really nice to have no responsibilities. Her only care in the world is if she gets fed and walked daily, and that’s not her responsibility, it’s mine.<br /><br />What I wouldn’t give to be a dog!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-88310147460457528372008-08-28T17:06:00.000-07:002008-08-28T17:07:59.195-07:00Man, what a worldI've been pretty f'ing busy. Sorry I haven't posted, I guess I've put too much time into work and other bullshit instead of writing this blog. Man I suck.<br /><br />I promise that next week, I will update at least three times. (kind of like how I need to work out three times).<br /><br />Thanks for being cool.<br /><br />JThe Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-68585420667290272008-07-23T16:01:00.000-07:002008-07-23T16:34:54.643-07:00Music that I like today<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.watercoolergossip.net/images/NoAge_CMJ_18Oct07_01.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://www.watercoolergossip.net/images/NoAge_CMJ_18Oct07_01.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Man, what do you write blogs about if you've got absolutely nothing going on in your life besides writing a shitty PG script for a bunch of assholes, sitting in an empty office for 12 hours a day, thinking about how you are getting old, never trying anything new and preparing to spend the rest of your life in a never ending loop of bullshit?<br /><br />I guess you write about music.<br /><br />Yes music, the only thing that I have going on in my poor excuse of a life. Unless I write about sleeping, which is kind of a personal experience that doesn't translate well to blog land.<br /><br />Here's some music I recently bought or have been listening to for the last year that I thought you might like. Yes you, the guy reading this stupid blog. Keep in mind, some of this shit may have come out a year or two ago, but I'm just getting on it, so back off!<br /><br />PANDA BEAR- PERSON PITCH<br /><br />This album is like the Beach Boys meet noise rock. Fucking unreal stuff, you could listen to it while driving on the PCH, or while smoking PCP. A very happy sound but full of dread and sadness. Panda Bear is a member of the next band... or collective....<br /><br />ANIMAL COLLECTIVE- STRAWBERRY JAM<br /><br />Samples and noise cut in and out, sounds used like drums, punchy and repetitive but not annoying. Songs have a sense of happiness and sadness at the same time. I haven't had enough time to really examine the lyrics but there is something going on here for sure. Music that has no explanation, but there is none needed.<br /><br />BATTLES- MIRRORED<br /><br />The most out there partly instrumental robot rock I've heard in a long time. This shit sounds like what music should have sounded like in 2015 Hilldale Valley 'Back to the Future II' style. A ton of stuff is going on here, where guitars and synths play with crazy samples of voices and other noise. If you had an extra dollar on your itunes account, buy Leyendecker. This song is like taking the drums of a NIN song, the vocal sample of a Rihanninaianana (or however you spell her name) and the effected out synths of our next band and throwing them all together. Which brings us to...<br /><br />MGMT- ORACULAR SPECTACULAR<br /><br />The next wave of dance music that the public is already eating up like many boxes of Crispy Cremes. It there is a sound track of this summer, this should be it. Disco, techno and smoothness jumps out at you. Electric Feel is getting a ton of radio play. Kids should also...<br /><br />HEALTH- HEALTH<br /><br />Local LA guys do good on this album, again without definition. Some songs sound like Radiohead's best electric stuff, other songs buzz like Liars on their tribaliness, others just try to shred your face off, with mixed results. Worthy of a listen.<br /><br />DEERHUNTER/ ATLAS SOUND- VARIOUS ALBUMS<br /><br />I just got into this Bradford Cox guy, who has the beat up puppy dog voice I love. Their songs are beautiful, sad, full of noise and rage, but with a broken heart underneath. Great for when you have to sit in an office for 12 hours straight with nothing to do but plot the end of the world.<br /><br />VAMPIRE WEEKEND- <br /><br />I know everyone is on this guys dicks and that they might be pretentious Ivy League dicks, but the rhythm in Mansford Roof is sick. It just is.<br /><br />SUNSET RUBDOWN-<br /><br />Another side project band, this time from the guy Wolf Parade. Pretty awesome stuff, and I' love the name of the band. Plus, this Wolf Parade guy's voice reminds me of the Talking Heads, always a good time.<br /><br />NO AGE- WEIRDO RIPPERS AND THE NEW ALBUM THAT I HAVEN'T BOUGHT CAUSE I'M DUMB<br /><br />I saw these guys open for the Liars and I was instantly hooked. The power of punk, the noise of some never ending feedback machine. At that show, I was the oldest person by ten years I think. Man, it sucks being old. But these guys can just flat out play and throw the book of conventional song structure out the window. Check it!<br /><br />Well, that's enough for now. I could get into the new hip hop I've heard, but that would start an entirely new blog. Maybe that's what I'll write about all the time! Music makes the world go round and makes this sad office and shitty PG script seem ok. Well, that's a lie but whatevs... sad panda.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-8586795154354334822008-07-15T12:20:00.000-07:002008-07-15T14:17:47.430-07:00Wonderful World of Thoughts<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blog.news-record.com/staff/culture/Culture%20Shock%20-%20The%20Joker-thumb.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://blog.news-record.com/staff/culture/Culture%20Shock%20-%20The%20Joker-thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I turned in my first draft of my new script to the producers yesterday. Now, I have to wait until Thursday of next week to get notes back, 10 days.<br /><br />Talk about suspense. Imagine working every day for 8 to 14 hours a day for three straight weeks to get something done for someone and then having to wait a week and three days to get feedback on your work. <br /><br />So, now as I wait for the feedback, I’m in a holding pattern until I hear something from them. SIGH. What do I do in the mean time? I can’t just sit idle. That’s not in my nature.<br /><br />I’m going to try to bang out some other writing, mainly finish up this other script. It’s going to take a little bit of work though, since when I started to read it today, I realized it sucks.<br /><br />What else is new? Hmmmmm... let’s break it down....<br /><br />-My car registration is up. It costs 200 hundred bucks to get your car on the up and up. Why exactly? What does that 200 smacks buy me? I don’t think anyone knows.<br /><br />-I’ve been playing with Legos a lot lately. Yep, legos, the little toy building blocks. Its more fun than you can imagine, which I imagine that you imagine that they’re not much fun. I’m building my dream house out of legos, since I can’t afford to build it in real life. Crap, I can barely afford to build it in Lego Life.<br /><br />-My dog has epilepsy, a bad ear infection, and a staff infection on top of the world’s worst doggie allergies. Ouch. Man, its fucking expensive to have a dog.<br /><br />-I also purchased Rock Band a while back. As I have mentioned on this blog before, Rock Band is the shit. I highly recommend it, at least until the guitar hero band thingy comes out.<br /><br />-With a shitty economy, rising gas prices, a credit crunch and bank failing; I was thinking maybe it would be great if we just wiped the world clean of money. Everyone starts out with a clean slate and we can begin a new world economy where all money from every country is worth the same. It would be like movies that happen in the future where everyone uses ‘space credits’ or some bullshit. Everyone keeps whatever they have, if you have a house that is still on a loan, you get the rest of your loan for FREE!<br /><br />Then I don’t have to pay back my student loans and credit cards. Great!<br /><br />-I wonder, what does it take to make solar energy panels? Is there some sort of material in there that make them so very rare? If we have such a global warming and energy problem, why don’t we kill the energy problem with the global warming problem? Is that so hard? Damn, I’m smart.<br /><br />-Why don’t they have rice crispy treat ice cream? I invented it the other day, and I’m pissed that I don’t work for Ben and Jerry’s, cause I’d make a fortune.<br /><br />-I went to the Build a Bear workshop the other day (don’t ask) and they have these bears that you equip with these things that will say random phrases. Why don’t they equip a bear with the phrases in magic 8 ball? Yes, no, ask again later etc... you’d have a magic 8 ball bear! I really think I’m in the wrong line of business.<br /><br />-I was at Disneyland the other day and waiting in long ass lines for rides. I noticed that they have all these people waiting to get off the ride, sitting in cars that are lined up outside the entrance. Why not have people get off the ride there, instead of the entrance? That would save 30 seconds to a minute of load in/out time for every car, making lines shorter. Man, what the hell, why am I full of so many good ideas?<br /><br />- Saw Dark Knight last week. If you haven’t seen it, (which you all haven’t cause it isn’t out yet, hahahahaha) see that bitch. Best movie I’ve seen in years, for real.<br /><br />- I read The Inglorious Bastards script the other day. Man, the Q Tarritino guy is good.<br /><br />Anyway, enough chatting about bullshit, I have a bad script to write!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-87917222394758271452008-06-25T09:27:00.000-07:002008-06-25T10:08:56.849-07:00Random Notes from the man himselfHere's some thoughts I've had this week-<br /><br />-Big up to all my people who came through for my birthday! It was a great time. My wonderful girlfriend set up this big surprise party at the bowling alley and tons of people flew in, drove etc from other spots in the world to be part of the event. Its strange, I don't feel that much older but I'm on the other side of the 30 mark now. It actually feels good. I'm ready for the new changes and challenges that being older brings.<br /><br />-I've started work on my first 'real' script gig. Its a girls volleyball movie, not exactly my natural forte but I've got a good grip on it and a new way of telling the same old sports movie. It should be a fun romp and if it ever makes it to the screen, I hope I'm there for the casting of tons of hot 18 year old girls. Good times.<br /><br />-My boy is having trouble with his terrible, slacker, free loading roommate. This roommate doesn't have a job, refuses to help on bills and is making my boy go thousands of dollars in debt. But if my boy kicks his roommate out, that roommate will be homeless since he has no family, friends or money. Sucky times.<br /><br />-The NBA draft is tomorrow and I'm pumped. Holy crap, if the Suns don't do something to make this terrible team better, I'm going to kill someone. That someone is Steve Kerr and the Suns owner Robert Sarver. (can you get arrested for an ideal threat on a blog?)<br /><br />That's all for now, got to get to work on this script!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-33572706860244433462008-06-17T10:22:00.000-07:002008-06-17T10:26:21.766-07:00Balls or the worst parts of being a man<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.resistaball.ca/Portals/43/stability-balls.gif"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://www.resistaball.ca/Portals/43/stability-balls.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Women have complained for years about all the terrible things associated with being a female- birthing, menstruation, bras, menopause, high heels and having to watch Sex and the City and pretending that its not pretentious mindless garbage.<br /><br />Well, men don’t have it easy either ladies. We have balls. BALLS. They’re useless, besides holding semen, teabagging and the sound they make when you’re having sex. They get twisted, sweaty, itchy, and they look like some sort of diseased growth of leprosy.<br /><br />Have you ever sat on your balls? It fucking hurts right? If you wear boxers, you might just plop down on your boys at the Dodgers game if you’re not ready for the way the seats fly upward like a jet fighter. Then it’s pain time. And girls have no concept of that pain. Take that titty twister I just gave you and multiply that by 65.<br /><br />And Blue balls! Don’t get me started on blue balls. Imagine that you’ve ate nothing for a week, your stomach is eating itself cause your so damn hungry, you sit down in front of a buffet of the best Mexican food and just as you’re about to eat... BANG! Someone hits you in the stomach will the mallet twenty times and pulls you into another room, away from the food until the next time the food gets horny... wait I think I mixed my metaphors... ah well.<br /><br />Its not just the balls ladies, guys have other things to worry about. Let me run them down for ya.<br /><br />Women. I think this one is pretty self explanatory. I would get into the particulars but my girlfriend will get brought up and then I might have to find a new roommate again for the fourth time this week. If you don’t understand, you’ve a) never dated a woman before b) never had a mother c) grew up in a bizarro land of the All Men.<br /><br />Man Period. Women complain about their periods. I understand and empathize. Not sympathize, empathize because men also have periods. Granted, we don’t have to wear tampons but we also have them. Everyone goes through a period of low of hormones that cause them to have some pissy mood swings. So there ladies!<br /><br />Chivalry. I don’t mind opening doors and pulling out chairs for women but having to pay for everything sucks. My bank account is a living sign of this problem.<br /><br />Hair. Having hair everywhere blows and it makes it about 20 degrees hotter. You ladies try wearing a fur body suit during the summer.<br /><br />Sports. Yeah ladies you think that we love sports. We all do... generally. But God forbid you’re like my old roommate who didn’t like sports that much. Anytime he met a dude, the conversation would turn towards sports and he had to pretend he knew what he was talking about. Sports knowledge and upkeep is a fulltime job and if you slack and even take a week off, you run the risk of being considered an outsider.<br /><br />So you ladies don’t have it that tough. Trust me, a representative of guys everywhere.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-76529757024612508592008-06-16T10:38:00.000-07:002008-06-16T11:30:07.355-07:00Staring down the barrel of 30<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://frecklescassie.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/bored-cat.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://frecklescassie.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/bored-cat.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> Tired bored kitty cat... just like me. Except I'm not a cat.<br /><br />Hello gang! So I missed a bunch of entries last week but I had the worst flu/cold/shitmypants disease. Man, it sucked. I was completely out of it. I slept for 4 straight days and didn’t do anything but cough up brown and green boogers and polish off a bottle of Nyquil. Bad times.<br /><br />It’s a sign that I’m dying slowly. Okay maybe not dying but I’m certainly fucking older. <br /><br />Man, where does the time go? It feels like just yesterday I was celebrating my 21st birthday, getting drunk and pulling tubes with the boys and now I’m 5 days away from my 30th birthday and I’ll I want to do is sleep. Sleep for days. Sleep for weeks. Sleep for... well you get the point.<br /><br />You ever have that not so fresh feeling? I do.<br /><br />Its like that song by Sublime, “Burritos”... ‘I don’t wanna go and party, I don’t wanna shoot the pier, I don't wanna take the doggie for a walk, I don't wanna look at naked chicks and drink beer...’ In fact, I have no idea what I want to do. Right now, nothing sounds exciting.<br /><br />This weekend after I got over my sickness, I needed to get out of the house and do something. But what? I racked my brain and tried to figure it out. Nothing came to mind.<br /><br />Where’s my passion? I have no idea. I used to be so gung ho about making it Hollywood and being the next big thing but now, it even that doesn’t seem very important to me at all. I have a big phone call with a mucky muck producer today to possibly get my very first writing assignment for money and you know what? I don’t care. At all.<br /><br />Its not that I don’t care, I guess I’ve just reserved to the fact that if it works out it does, if not, well screw it I’ll work at McDonald’s.<br /><br />And its not like I’m depressed. I’m actually quite happy considering everything. But I’m just blah. Maybe I need something that sounds exciting. Can you think of anything for a slowly dying 30 year old to do that would give me a boost of fun? Anything that’s legal of course... and doesn’t involve a lot of money.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-5492346004568630422008-06-09T15:37:00.000-07:002008-06-09T15:38:42.284-07:00wow, where has the time gone?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bugsblog.com/images/Meeko/Chris_Meeko.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://bugsblog.com/images/Meeko/Chris_Meeko.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Blog update <br /><br />So, I’ve been a terrible person and haven’t updated this thing in a long time. I guess people are reading since some of you have called and complained. Wow, you really care about my rambling bullshit? Thanks!<br /><br />Where have I been this whole time? Well, I worked on this other gig for a while, as assistant to the director of Cats and Dogs 2. It was a ton of work and not a bad experience overall, but if you would have asked me during it I would have told you it sucked balls.<br /><br />I finished up and went back to my office job here at the WB. Good times. Now, I only have a couple more months at this gig before I have to find yet another job. Welcome to the wonderful world of Hollywood, where people search for jobs like Barry Bonds searches for ... well... a job on a baseball team.<br /><br />All my extra free time has been spent writing a script for these producers. Who knows what will happen with it... its taking me a while to complete and now they want me to put it on the back burner and write a slasher film... sigh. I don’t know what’s going to happen but if the slasher flick is going to get me a little closer to a full time writing career, I’ll do it.<br /><br />So, today I am writing this slasher synopsis. Yawn.<br /><br />What else is going on? Well, I’m that much closer to my 30th birthday, hooray. I’ve got my normal life with the girlfriend and the dog and the apartment and the blah blah blah... who cares right?<br /><br />The important part you walk away from this thing is that I’m a slacker for not updating my blog and that there will be more coming. I promise. And they will be a lot more entertaining than this one I swear.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-85894022847290130952008-04-01T10:57:00.000-07:002008-04-01T11:00:19.647-07:00April Fool's DayWhen I was in college, April Fool’s was my favorite day of the year. My roommate Vogel and I would play practical jokes on every single person we knew, including each other. I could write an entire book about the evil jokes we played on people... shit that might be a good idea! Ah the good ol’ days.<br /><br />There is one completely evil joke that sticks out in my mind. <br /><br />I told my ex that I would get her really good on April Fool’s, she told me there was no way, she could see through any attempt made. We made a bet on it then and there. I was determined to win.<br /><br />April Fool’s rolled around and I played my cards right. My ex knew that it was coming, so she was on guard. Everything I said and did, she was on it like a hawk. But I was biding my time, I knew if I waited long enough, went to school, came back, she would forget.<br /><br />So when I saw her later that day, I was prepared. She came up to front door on that rainy night to discover a note, sitting at the edge of my apartment door.<br /><br />She walked in and handed the note to me, I opened it, read it over quickly and put it in a drawer.<br /><br />The key to a good practical joke is to know some one’s weakness and exploit. My ex’s weakness was two fold; curiosity and jealousy.<br /><br />She asked me who wrote the note, I told her my other ex, the girl I dated last before dating her. She asked me what it said, I told her simply, “Nothing.”<br /><br />BANG! The look on her face was unbelievable. She was torn because she told me just two weeks earlier that she was sick of being jealous all the time and she was going to try to push those feelings out of her head and not bring them up.<br /><br />But at the same time, here was this note, in the rain, and she didn’t know what it said. And it was from that bitch I used to date!<br /><br />I went outside, pretending to check out my buddy Kyle’s new Jeep. Really, I was just letting her stew. <br /><br />As we laughed outside, I pictured her opening the drawer and reading the note. Would she do it? Would curiosity kill the cat?<br /><br />I walked back in and there was my ex, standing by the front door with her arm on her side, waiting not very patiently for me to get back. She said that she wanted to read the note. I told her that I would let her if she didn’t get mad.<br /><br />I gave her the note and ran into my bedroom.<br /><br />The note from my ex ex, which was written by me of course, slowly revealed more information as you read it, finally culminating with a big reveal of our illicit affair, the torrid things I did to her, and how much she loved me.<br /><br />I heard a rustle outside my door, she stormed in the room right at me, ready to punch me in the face.<br /><br />I pulled up my shirt, showing her the words “Happy April Fool’s Day” which Vogel wrote on my stomach for me earlier.<br /><br />She looked at the words, stunned. Then she starting crying. A lot.<br /><br />I felt so bad. So very bad. But I won! I beat her! Woooooo Hooooo!<br /><br />What did I win? I don’t remember exactly. Was it worth it to put her through the emotional rollercoaster? It wasn’t at the time but after she broke my heart years later, it now feels pretty good.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-74461999355548259942008-03-25T10:25:00.000-07:002008-03-25T10:28:15.672-07:00Other People’s Scripts<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1dayfilmschool.com/images/screenplay.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://1dayfilmschool.com/images/screenplay.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I some how always end up getting conned into reading other people’s scripts for them. <br /><br />It starts out with me saying I’d love to read their script, which I usually mean at the time. I like to see how the others live, see how others write, and see if there is anything that surprises me or that I can learn from.<br /><br />It usually ends with me cursing, rubbing my eyes and wanting to blow up their scripts with a nuclear device.<br /><br />I’m reading one script for a friend right now and I can’t get through it. Its supposed to be a comedy, only there are no funny. Its one super long cliché, a take on the awesome movie “Road Hogs” (I say that in jest) but if instead of being old men, they’re lame 30 year old frat guys.<br /><br />Let me tell you, it reads as good as that description is. <br /><br />The problem is, the kid who had me read it is super excited about it. He told me it’s super funny and gross, which it’s not either of those things. <br /><br />Now I haven’t finished it but I will have to sooner or later. Then I will have to tell him about it. That’s where things get difficult. <br /><br />I’m brutally honest. I would want others to be honest with me, I wouldn’t expect anything less. But most people don’t want the truth, they want people to suck their collective dicks for being so awesome. (I could go into Col. Jessup’s line about truth from A Few Good Men, or Winston Wolf’s line about sucking each others dicks from Pulp Fiction but I digress)<br /><br />When they get the truth, the results vary. Some pout. Others defend their work like I would defend my basketball skills. Some just plain cry.<br /><br />One time, I told me friend her new script was a disappointment. It was. Her other script I read was the best ‘non professional’ script I had ever read. This new one, it just wasn’t that good. This lead to an angry exchange between us and her leaving in tears.<br /><br />The problem was that she was writing her ‘baby’. Whenever you have a ‘baby’ script, it usually means it’s a thinly veiled attempt at an autobiographical film, with names changed to protect the innocent. When you write this type of thing, its usually long winded and boring, with a very thin plot. That’s just the way it is, our lives aren’t interesting enough to write about unless you’re Ray Charles or Howard Hughes.<br /><br />She couldn’t understand that fact.<br /><br />Hell, I’ve read a ton of scripts like this. The worst one was a friend who wrote about her years in an abusive relationship. It was a painful thing to read, it was like being in the relationship.<br /><br />If it was made into a movie, it would feel like the last 10 minutes of “Requiem for a Dream” only stretched out to about two and a half hours.<br /><br />Ouch.<br /><br />I here by offer my unrequested advice about writing a screenplay-<br /><br />1-Don’t write about your own life. Its going to be boring, trust me. Plus, you’re going to get really hurt when people say they don’t like it, because you’ll take it that people must not like your life. Which they don’t, so suck it.<br /><br />2-Don’t write anything longer than 120 pages. For people who don’t know, a page on script equals a minute of screen time on average. Therefore, 120 pages equals a two hour movie. Right now, most Hollywood movies clock in at 95 minutes. If you’re writing a 120 minute movie, you’re still long. If you’re writing a 160 minute movie, it better be the next “Saving Private Ryan”.<br /><br />3-Pick a topic and stick to it. To often I read something that meanders all over the place, after introducing something as the plot, it covers everything but said plot. Bad idea.<br /><br />4-PLOT! Speaking of plot, pick a movie idea with a plot. No one wants to watch two hours of people talking about shit. Everyone thinks that they have the next Pulp Fiction or Clerks, but they forget that both of those had some part of a plot to encourage that crazy zany dialog (although Clerks plot was thin at best). If you want to write a 120 pages of two guys talking, write a novel.<br /><br />5-High concept ideas- I usually hate this idea but its true. Having a film idea that can be summed up in two sentences usually helps. <br /><br />6-Pick something positive- I’m completely speaking from experience, write about something somewhat happy. My film is getting killed in film fests right now because of the negative, sad, and explicit content. Write a happy kids film, it will sell.<br /><br />There is a ton more advice I could dole out but that’s enough for now. I need to take rest of the day to finish reading this script and figuring out a way to tell this guy his script sucks without him ending up in tears.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-63448779757166593332008-03-24T10:52:00.000-07:002008-03-24T12:00:11.309-07:00Lessons I learned this week<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/843/822831.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/843/822831.JPG" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />I’ve been treated to life altering lessons this past week-<br /><br />1-Don’t ever think that you’ve got a sure fire plan. Sure as shit it will back fire.<br />2-Don’t leave your oven on after you make pizza.<br />3-Easter is the most overrated holiday.<br />4-Don’t make a movie about incest, violence and graffiti. It won’t get into film festivals. Trust me.<br />5-When driving with your girlfriend, don’t yell obscenities at asshole drivers who cut you off. It will only piss her off.<br />6-Always save often. Especially when writing a screenplay.<br />7-Eating nothing but jalapenos for two days straight is a bad idea.<br />8-If you owe money to a collector, always pay that off. Even if you want a new midi drum machine.<br />9-Don’t shave your dog with an electric razor unless you are sure that it has the guard clip attached snug. If you don’t, your dog will end up looking like a plucked turkey.<br />10-When playing golf, always bring three more golf balls then you think you will lose.<br />11-If you work with someone who takes three sick days a week on average, then you should get ready for a long work week.<br />12-Thick skin and relentless ambition is more important than talent.<br />13-When painting, never let your dog get close to the canvas unless you want your dog to have a butt and tail covered in paint. Especially don’t let her get back to the painting a second time after you already washed her, it will only led to your entire house being painted by your dog.<br />14-When poor, Ramen isn’t enough to eat, it will only make you want to buy groceries or go to Jack in the box.<br />15-Having Netflix is great, if you actually watch the movies you’ve rented.<br />16-If you write off the Phoenix Suns, they will start winning again.<br />17-When talking to your 5 year old Nephew on the phone, just keep saying ‘that’s so cool’ even if you don’t understand what the hell he’s talking about.<br />18- When you feel like you should cry but can’t, don’t listen to sad music. It will only make you feel worse.<br />19-If you are obsessed with your career, you won’t be happy. Take a step back and go with the flow.<br />20-When picking your NCAA brackets, don’t use any sort of reason. Just pick random games. <br />21-Postive thinking is hard as shit to do in today’s day and age. But it’s the most important thing you can do.<br />22-Cleaning before you have guests over is a fruitless and pointless endeavor.<br /><br />I’m sure that there are more things but I can’t think of them right now. Have a great day!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-83176435414751390312008-03-19T13:39:00.000-07:002008-03-19T13:43:58.288-07:00WNBA vs. Arena Football League<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://projectspurs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/hammon.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://projectspurs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/hammon.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Here is a taste of my new column to be appearing on the Phat Phree.com that I will be writing with Brandon. Its a head to head type of thing about important sports topics. Here's my defense of the WNBA being a better league than Arena Football League. Enjoy!<br /><br />The WNBA is most exciting sports league on the planet, maybe the universe. Obviously, that’s a blanket statement that everyone agrees with. <br /><br />I could describe the well know virtues of the league- <br />-the record shattering TV ratings<br />-the 2,000 straight sold out games<br />-the seas of WNBA jerseys you see on every man, woman and child throughout the world<br />-the international icon Sheryl Swoopes who has become the popular face of stage and screen, thanks to her illustrious WNBA career<br />-the excitement of the game itself with its hyper competitive nature, the dynamic showtime theatrics, the constant dunking and alley oops, the high shooting percentage, etc etc<br /><br />...but everyone knows these facts. I don’t have to defend something that’s so strong and well organized, that’s like the US defending Iraq or something. <br /><br />No, I’m here to prove a well known point and shed a little light into a dark cracks of lies- the WNBA is better than the Arena Football League and not for reasons that you already know.<br /><br />Of course you all love the WNBA. But not all of you hate the AFL. Not until now. They put out a front that they’re this silly little indoor football league. They’re not.<br /><br />The Arena Football league is an evil organization hell bent on destroying the world. They’re like Cobra, the Decepticons and the Legion of Doom all rolled into one, but if that group was lead by the demon offspring of a robot Hitler and Skeletor.<br /><br />Sure, they look like a fun loving group of lazy teams that don’t want to deal with playing in cold weather and don’t want to have to run very far down the field. But if you look at the financial statements of the league, you find very shady mathematics. <br /><br />First, where does the revenue come from? No one goes to these games and even fewer people watch them on TV. Is the AFL even on TV? They must play the games on PBS or the new Oprah network, The FishTaco Channel, cause I haven’t seen a game before. <br /><br />So if they aren’t making money on the football, how can they still be around after all these years? The secret? Streams of revenue that would make the mafia jealous; drug sales, gambling, extortion, prostitution, selling post dated medications, cat kidnapping (better know as catnapping) and selling shirts with super funny sayings like ‘McLovin’ or ‘Nerds do it in Binary’. <br /><br />I know you’re saying to yourself, “Self, that’s not much worse than what I used to do to make ends meet in college.” I agree. You guys were pretty bad in college. <br />The reasons to raise this capital isn’t for pure profit or put the owners of the league in fur lined UGGS, it’s to spread chaos throughout the world and take now modern society as we know it.<br /><br />Here’s a short list of a few but not all of the things that the AFL are responsible for-<br />-12-21-2012 look that shit up bitches, scary huh?<br />-Paris Hilton<br />-AIDS in Africa<br />-Back Hair<br />-Global Warming<br />-Leggings<br />-High gas prices<br />-The writer’s strike and the upcoming actor’s strike<br />-Y2K<br />-Homelessness<br />-The world’s economic downturn<br />-Did I mention Paris Hilton?<br /><br />In short, the AFL is responsible for the world ending. I could elaborate on the world ending but there’s not much to say beyond that the world ends and... stuff. And then all the bad things would end... And that would be bad. Why? Well, and ah, wait ... I’ll have get back to you on that.<br /><br />Come to think of it, maybe the AFL has the right idea. End the world and all the bad stuff ends... hmmm. Is it too late to pick the AFL instead?The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-57583084185569790012008-03-18T11:09:00.000-07:002008-03-18T11:12:30.441-07:00Barack's big moment<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.textually.org/ringtonia/archives/archives/images/set2/Barack2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://www.textually.org/ringtonia/archives/archives/images/set2/Barack2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Let’s take a look inside the head of Barack Obama few minutes before his speech in Philadelphia PA and figure out what really goes on inside his mind....<br /><br />Goodness, this is going to be tough. I don’t know how I can go on. Barack, if there was ever a time to just call in quits my old boy, its today.<br /><br />This may be the most important speech of my career. Maybe the most important speech on race since I Have a Dream. I have to address this race issue once and for all, to bridge the divide between all voters of all colors. But how can I?<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0003800040240_LG.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0003800040240_LG.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I still haven’t eaten my morning Eggos. <br /><br />David knows that I won’t go on stage without my Eggos. Everyone in the campaign knows this! And yet here I sit, without a plate of 4 tasty Eggos covered in Aunt Jemima Country Rich Lite syrup. This is getting to be gosh darn ridiculous.<br /><br />Eggos, my muse, my only hope. The way you dance across my pallet with the help of Aunt Jemima acting like a sticky conduit to cool and calm my senses. Your strong yet subtle taste rocks my nerves to sleep. Your texture and consistency is much like a great eagle soaring through the wind, delivering justice to the empty cavity I call my stomach.<br /><br />Oh, the delicious smell of those buttery rich Eggos as they pop up out of a toaster, or slide out of the toaster oven. Heck, at this point, I’d eat them out of the microwave. Poop, I might even eat them frozen without syrup.<br /><br />I can’t believe the audacity of David, bringing me those Kashi Waffles. What do I look like, a fool? You can’t pass off GoLean waffles as Eggos! <br /><br />Now I’m supposed to go in front of the media and the good people of Philly on an empty stomach. It’s not the empty stomach that’s the problem really. It’s the principle of the thing. <br /><br />Do they not carry Eggos in the great state of Pennsylvania? I can understand that they don’t carry Eggos at Whole Foods, but they don’t have them at Food Mart?<br /><br />I can’t even concentrate and I’m supposed to go on in two minutes. What the heck was I even supposed to speak about? Health care? Gun Control? The NCAA tournament? I’m going go up on stage a make a fool of myself. Pull it together B. O.!<br /><br />Who ever ate the last of the Eggos on the bus is going to get fired. No, beat down. Flogged with a sugar cane and water boarded. The nerve of these people. Don’t they know who I am? How important I am? <br /><br />Where is David? He should be back by now with those Eggos. What the fuck... wait, what did I just think? I just thought an obscenity! I really am losing it now. If I can’t control my inner dialog, how am I going to stop myself from calling all these fine reporters and good people of Philly a bunch of lily livered, chicken shit cocksuckers? <br /><br />(just then campaign manager David Plouffe runs in with a plate of piping hot Eggos and gives them to Barack. David cowers like an abused dog and scurries away.)<br /><br />That’s right, you better run away. Mmmmm, that’s the ticket. Eggos, you’re the only one who understands me. Now, I’m ready to take on the world!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-81469506349617506922008-03-17T15:56:00.000-07:002008-03-17T15:57:23.410-07:00Worst Sports Tattoo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://mavs.beloblog.com/archives/jacksontat.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://mavs.beloblog.com/archives/jacksontat.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I recently interviewed Stephen Jackson for an article for International Knitting. After speaking ad nauseum about courses, wales, and the advantages of double pointed knitting needles; we moved onto basketball and his life.<br /><br />As standard practice, I demand that all interviews are done in the nude. I noticed that on Mr. Jackson’s chest there was a strange tattoo of praying hands holding a gun in front of some sort of church window. When I asked about, the shy and reserved Jackson smiled.<br /><br />“As you know, I’m a very devout Mormon,” said Jackson. “I preach the gospel wherever I go to whom ever will listen. Speaking of which, have read the book of Mormon?”<br /><br />I told him about my lengthy studies in Provo when I was a member of the Mormon exchange program with the church of Scientology, which I am currently in good financial standing with (hail Xenu!).<br /><br />Since he knew I could relate, he told me of one evening that changed his life. He was in Indianapolis spreading the word of Joseph Smith, riding his bike with his tie and short sleeved dress shirt on with ex-teammates and fellow Mormons Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels and Jimmie Hunter when some local ruffians stopped them outside of strip club.<br /><br />“They wanted to speak to us, I thought this might be a good time to teach others about the sins of the flesh. After I asked them if they had heard of Jesus Christ’s other travels, one of them punched me. Hard. I was in a state of shock. It was like something I had never felt before like a woman’s vagina. Having never been in a fight before, I didn’t know what to do so I did what comes natural”<br /><br />“I fell to my knees and prayed that he wouldn’t hurt me when this large fellow put this gun into hands. I looked at it, it was strange he would do so. Suddenly, a car drove up and hit me. I was scared and I fired the gun into the air. My goodness the sounds were so loud! Everyone backed away, saving myself and my fine Mormon friends Jamaal, Marquis and Jimmie.”<br /><br />“It was as if God answered my prayers right there, giving me a way to save our lives,” said Jackson.<br /><br />Jackson immediately thanked the Lord and decided that he must celebrate the event with a tattoo; something that he had always wanted to try before.<br /><br />“I’ve heard of tattoos, but I wasn’t sure how they worked. I thought it was something you put on with water and tape, but it involved needles. No one told me that! Man did it hurt, I cried the entire time,” said Jackson.<br /><br />I asked him if it would be okay if I examining his tattoo at close range, which he agreed. I rested my head on his navel and took a big long stare at it. I realized that I hated his tattoo. <br /><br />I think its great that he had such a touching moment in his life and all but look at the tattoo. The hands don’t even look very real! The gun wasn’t nearly as big as he described! The church window doesn’t have any detail! If you’re really close, you can see little spots where it wasn’t filled properly. <br /><br />Clearly, the artist who did the tattoo wasn’t a professional like that Kat Von D person I see on the television. She’s the Kat’s pajamas.<br /><br />That’s why Stephen Jackson’s tattoo is the worst in sports.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-64532344252112068602008-03-12T11:18:00.000-07:002008-03-12T11:22:18.406-07:00Oklahoma man eats bricks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.tian.cc/matt_whitetrash02.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://www.tian.cc/matt_whitetrash02.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />The biggest event to hit the tiny town of Willingbone Oklahoma wasn’t much to look at. In front of a rundown shack of a home sat a little table covered with a check board table cloth. 10 red, white and blue balloons that were loosing helium by the second were tied to the table. On the table, a little boombox played the ‘Star Spangled Banner’. Next to the stereo, was the thing everyone wanted to see, 10 bright red bricks and one tiny man.<br /><br />A group of 15 dumbfounded slack jawed yokels showed up to watch the spectacle. The look of shock on the crowd’s faces said it all. It just wasn’t possible. But there it was, a man eating solid red bricks.<br /><br />“I wanted to eat bricks, but I just wasn’t sure how to,” said Kit Fisto, the world record setting brick eater. “Then one day it hit me like a ton of... well... you know.”<br /><br />Fisto, a lean man who probably weighs 100 pounds wet, grew up dreaming of his way to fame. He spent his entire life in Willingbone, the town 100 miles from any major city. He knew that with his little education and very little talent it would be hard to fulfill his dream. It wasn’t until he started training for the county pie eating contest that realized his potential.<br /><br />“I figgered if I can eat me some 20 pies, why not eats me some 10 bricks,” said Fisto. “That’s when I went to town and bought me some bricks and cement from Ace True Hardware. I also bought some Carhardt pants and a new Makita 18V 1/2" Cordless Hammer Driver-Drill Kit. It’s the one with the Variable Speed. Sakes alive, it’s the sweetest hammer driver-drill kit you ever did see man.”<br /><br />Fisto first trained with loose cement before going onto bricks.<br /><br />“It was rough going at first man,” said Fisto. “My poop was like rocks, well I guess it was rocks really. I had to start wearing a tampon in my butt cause I was bleeding so bad. But that’s the price you pay sometimes for success.”<br /><br />Fisto set a date and had his cousin, Cleatus McDingle, promote the event by alerting national media and local officals. McDingle is the local promotions guru.<br /><br />“When Kit puts his mind to a things, a things are going happen,” said McDingle. “I was just there to make sure that everyone knew about it. Everyone was excited to take part, it wasn’t like the Hog Balls and Twine show I promoted, people really wanted to see this, boy howdy.”<br /><br />After announcing his intentions to the town, Fisto realized that he needed to follow through and eat some bricks. <br /><br />“Truth be told man, I ain’t never eaten a whole brick before the event, just some cement. I felt like I should have done it before but I got sidetracked when me and Cleatus went hunting. I ate peyote and kind of forgot about it. Then I wake up with no pants on in a bathtub full of cheap pudding. Cleatus is yelling at me, ‘Dammit Kit, you gotta go out front and eat them damn bricks. I bet Buck from down on Clit street that you could do it, you better sober up and get out front.’ The pressure was on. I had the huge crowd of people there to see it, more people than I had seen in my whole life in one spot. As I sat down, I was still all fucked up in the head. Still, after I got the first brick down and I heard the cheers, I knew that I was going to do it.” <br /><br />“It ain’t like nothing I ever did see before,” said Tammy Mae Sailor, a local housewife. “My uncle once ate his shoe after he lost a bet, but nothing like this.”<br /><br />With Fisto’s new success and notoriety, he hopes to ride it to the top.<br /><br />“I’m hoping that I can get onto some sort of reality TV show, like Flavor of Love or something like that,” said Fisto. “Except with hot chicks instead of that crackhead guy with the clock ‘round his neck.”The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-14897671609141108352008-03-11T14:19:00.000-07:002008-03-11T14:22:25.151-07:00Man, I suck.I haven't been posting to my blog at all lately... I haven't really been in the mood, you know what I mean?<br /><br />Things are going well, I'm starting to round the corner on my writing, which is the reason why I haven't posted anything lately. I've just been cranking out research for this thing and its taken away from my premorning writing routine.<br /><br />Plus, ever since the stat counter broke on my website, I haven't been as interested because I haven't been able to see if anyone is even looking at this thing except for Moo and my girlfriend.<br /><br />But I've got a few new ideas for things to write about, some awesome stories to tell and some funny fake news ideas that I've come up with. Please stay tuned! I promise much more tomorrow!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-1003892088187422202008-03-05T10:40:00.001-08:002008-03-05T10:40:42.099-08:00The meaning of lifeWhat’s the meaning of life?<br /><br />Ah, if I knew, I certainly would let you all know.<br /><br />I’ve always wondering what’s the meaning of it all. Shit, I wrote and worked on a script about a character searching for meaning of life. I still go back to it and work on it constantly, it’s the whale, and I’m Ahab.<br /><br />Is the meaning of life to work 9 hours a day, five days a week, for 45 years or so and then retire and die?<br /><br />Hmmmm, I’m starting to think not.<br /><br />After working very hard to get where I am now (which isn’t very far) I’m starting to rethink the whole thing.<br /><br />Maybe I’m missing out on life, the wonderful things around me, the adventure life brings, new experiences, traveling and the full opportunities that randomness offers.<br /><br />Maybe we all are...<br /><br />What if I sold everything I had, packed my few remaining possessions into a car and just traveled the US, doing odd jobs and experiencing new places and people?<br /><br />Well, that’s not exactly ‘responsible’ or at least not what American society considers to be so. You’re supposed to stay in one place, have a career, buy a home, have a family etc.<br /><br />Basically, life in the US comes down to one major factor- MONEY.<br /><br />If you have money, you can do anything you want. If you don’t, then you work until you have money.<br /><br />Wellllll fuck that! I’m sick of taking a majority of my time everyday to work to get money. But what the hell can I do about it right?<br /><br />Man, there’s got to be a better way.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-12069499046847716262008-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:002008-03-03T10:27:51.846-08:00My BadSorry I haven't posted anything in the last couple of days. I was trying to get this script done ASAP so I could have someone important read it. <br /><br />I wish I had a ton of stuff to write today but I'm just BLAH. I don't know why, I had a good weekend and everything. <br /><br />This writers block is killing me inside right now. I'm trying something new to combat it, hopefully it works.<br /><br />Tons of love to all my friends and family.The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8946796989427681527.post-57199964316669455662008-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:002008-02-26T10:39:06.948-08:00A heart warming storyI’m in desperate need of a heart warming story. You know the type, one of those stories that make you cry with tears of joy, thankful that you get to live in this crazy world. <br /><br />Stories like Forrest Gump, Finding Neverland or Amelie; stories that are so close to reality but just outside the realm of the average negative day. Something that just sticks to your insides and won’t let you forget about it.<br /><br />I want to write that type of movie! <br /><br />But alas, I have no ideas like that at all. I feel like everything I come up with is a bunch of negative clichés strung together to shock and awe the audience. I don’t want to do that, at least not for this script. I want to show my grandma a movie and have her enjoy it.<br /><br />I know if you’re reading this, you must be sick of these writer’s block posts. Imagine me, I’m sick of writing about not being able to write!The Fire Starterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14780837755325255502noreply@blogger.com2