Music that I like today

Man, what do you write blogs about if you've got absolutely nothing going on in your life besides writing a shitty PG script for a bunch of assholes, sitting in an empty office for 12 hours a day, thinking about how you are getting old, never trying anything new and preparing to spend the rest of your life in a never ending loop of bullshit?

I guess you write about music.

Yes music, the only thing that I have going on in my poor excuse of a life. Unless I write about sleeping, which is kind of a personal experience that doesn't translate well to blog land.

Here's some music I recently bought or have been listening to for the last year that I thought you might like. Yes you, the guy reading this stupid blog. Keep in mind, some of this shit may have come out a year or two ago, but I'm just getting on it, so back off!

PANDA BEAR- PERSON PITCH

This album is like the Beach Boys meet noise rock. Fucking unreal stuff, you could listen to it while driving on the PCH, or while smoking PCP. A very happy sound but full of dread and sadness. Panda Bear is a member of the next band... or collective....

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE- STRAWBERRY JAM

Samples and noise cut in and out, sounds used like drums, punchy and repetitive but not annoying. Songs have a sense of happiness and sadness at the same time. I haven't had enough time to really examine the lyrics but there is something going on here for sure. Music that has no explanation, but there is none needed.

BATTLES- MIRRORED

The most out there partly instrumental robot rock I've heard in a long time. This shit sounds like what music should have sounded like in 2015 Hilldale Valley 'Back to the Future II' style. A ton of stuff is going on here, where guitars and synths play with crazy samples of voices and other noise. If you had an extra dollar on your itunes account, buy Leyendecker. This song is like taking the drums of a NIN song, the vocal sample of a Rihanninaianana (or however you spell her name) and the effected out synths of our next band and throwing them all together. Which brings us to...

MGMT- ORACULAR SPECTACULAR

The next wave of dance music that the public is already eating up like many boxes of Crispy Cremes. It there is a sound track of this summer, this should be it. Disco, techno and smoothness jumps out at you. Electric Feel is getting a ton of radio play. Kids should also...

HEALTH- HEALTH

Local LA guys do good on this album, again without definition. Some songs sound like Radiohead's best electric stuff, other songs buzz like Liars on their tribaliness, others just try to shred your face off, with mixed results. Worthy of a listen.

DEERHUNTER/ ATLAS SOUND- VARIOUS ALBUMS

I just got into this Bradford Cox guy, who has the beat up puppy dog voice I love. Their songs are beautiful, sad, full of noise and rage, but with a broken heart underneath. Great for when you have to sit in an office for 12 hours straight with nothing to do but plot the end of the world.

VAMPIRE WEEKEND-

I know everyone is on this guys dicks and that they might be pretentious Ivy League dicks, but the rhythm in Mansford Roof is sick. It just is.

SUNSET RUBDOWN-

Another side project band, this time from the guy Wolf Parade. Pretty awesome stuff, and I' love the name of the band. Plus, this Wolf Parade guy's voice reminds me of the Talking Heads, always a good time.

NO AGE- WEIRDO RIPPERS AND THE NEW ALBUM THAT I HAVEN'T BOUGHT CAUSE I'M DUMB

I saw these guys open for the Liars and I was instantly hooked. The power of punk, the noise of some never ending feedback machine. At that show, I was the oldest person by ten years I think. Man, it sucks being old. But these guys can just flat out play and throw the book of conventional song structure out the window. Check it!

Well, that's enough for now. I could get into the new hip hop I've heard, but that would start an entirely new blog. Maybe that's what I'll write about all the time! Music makes the world go round and makes this sad office and shitty PG script seem ok. Well, that's a lie but whatevs... sad panda.

Wonderful World of Thoughts

I turned in my first draft of my new script to the producers yesterday. Now, I have to wait until Thursday of next week to get notes back, 10 days.

Talk about suspense. Imagine working every day for 8 to 14 hours a day for three straight weeks to get something done for someone and then having to wait a week and three days to get feedback on your work.

So, now as I wait for the feedback, I’m in a holding pattern until I hear something from them. SIGH. What do I do in the mean time? I can’t just sit idle. That’s not in my nature.

I’m going to try to bang out some other writing, mainly finish up this other script. It’s going to take a little bit of work though, since when I started to read it today, I realized it sucks.

What else is new? Hmmmmm... let’s break it down....

-My car registration is up. It costs 200 hundred bucks to get your car on the up and up. Why exactly? What does that 200 smacks buy me? I don’t think anyone knows.

-I’ve been playing with Legos a lot lately. Yep, legos, the little toy building blocks. Its more fun than you can imagine, which I imagine that you imagine that they’re not much fun. I’m building my dream house out of legos, since I can’t afford to build it in real life. Crap, I can barely afford to build it in Lego Life.

-My dog has epilepsy, a bad ear infection, and a staff infection on top of the world’s worst doggie allergies. Ouch. Man, its fucking expensive to have a dog.

-I also purchased Rock Band a while back. As I have mentioned on this blog before, Rock Band is the shit. I highly recommend it, at least until the guitar hero band thingy comes out.

-With a shitty economy, rising gas prices, a credit crunch and bank failing; I was thinking maybe it would be great if we just wiped the world clean of money. Everyone starts out with a clean slate and we can begin a new world economy where all money from every country is worth the same. It would be like movies that happen in the future where everyone uses ‘space credits’ or some bullshit. Everyone keeps whatever they have, if you have a house that is still on a loan, you get the rest of your loan for FREE!

Then I don’t have to pay back my student loans and credit cards. Great!

-I wonder, what does it take to make solar energy panels? Is there some sort of material in there that make them so very rare? If we have such a global warming and energy problem, why don’t we kill the energy problem with the global warming problem? Is that so hard? Damn, I’m smart.

-Why don’t they have rice crispy treat ice cream? I invented it the other day, and I’m pissed that I don’t work for Ben and Jerry’s, cause I’d make a fortune.

-I went to the Build a Bear workshop the other day (don’t ask) and they have these bears that you equip with these things that will say random phrases. Why don’t they equip a bear with the phrases in magic 8 ball? Yes, no, ask again later etc... you’d have a magic 8 ball bear! I really think I’m in the wrong line of business.

-I was at Disneyland the other day and waiting in long ass lines for rides. I noticed that they have all these people waiting to get off the ride, sitting in cars that are lined up outside the entrance. Why not have people get off the ride there, instead of the entrance? That would save 30 seconds to a minute of load in/out time for every car, making lines shorter. Man, what the hell, why am I full of so many good ideas?

- Saw Dark Knight last week. If you haven’t seen it, (which you all haven’t cause it isn’t out yet, hahahahaha) see that bitch. Best movie I’ve seen in years, for real.

- I read The Inglorious Bastards script the other day. Man, the Q Tarritino guy is good.

Anyway, enough chatting about bullshit, I have a bad script to write!

Random Notes from the man himself

Here's some thoughts I've had this week-

-Big up to all my people who came through for my birthday! It was a great time. My wonderful girlfriend set up this big surprise party at the bowling alley and tons of people flew in, drove etc from other spots in the world to be part of the event. Its strange, I don't feel that much older but I'm on the other side of the 30 mark now. It actually feels good. I'm ready for the new changes and challenges that being older brings.

-I've started work on my first 'real' script gig. Its a girls volleyball movie, not exactly my natural forte but I've got a good grip on it and a new way of telling the same old sports movie. It should be a fun romp and if it ever makes it to the screen, I hope I'm there for the casting of tons of hot 18 year old girls. Good times.

-My boy is having trouble with his terrible, slacker, free loading roommate. This roommate doesn't have a job, refuses to help on bills and is making my boy go thousands of dollars in debt. But if my boy kicks his roommate out, that roommate will be homeless since he has no family, friends or money. Sucky times.

-The NBA draft is tomorrow and I'm pumped. Holy crap, if the Suns don't do something to make this terrible team better, I'm going to kill someone. That someone is Steve Kerr and the Suns owner Robert Sarver. (can you get arrested for an ideal threat on a blog?)

That's all for now, got to get to work on this script!

Balls or the worst parts of being a man

Women have complained for years about all the terrible things associated with being a female- birthing, menstruation, bras, menopause, high heels and having to watch Sex and the City and pretending that its not pretentious mindless garbage.

Well, men don’t have it easy either ladies. We have balls. BALLS. They’re useless, besides holding semen, teabagging and the sound they make when you’re having sex. They get twisted, sweaty, itchy, and they look like some sort of diseased growth of leprosy.

Have you ever sat on your balls? It fucking hurts right? If you wear boxers, you might just plop down on your boys at the Dodgers game if you’re not ready for the way the seats fly upward like a jet fighter. Then it’s pain time. And girls have no concept of that pain. Take that titty twister I just gave you and multiply that by 65.

And Blue balls! Don’t get me started on blue balls. Imagine that you’ve ate nothing for a week, your stomach is eating itself cause your so damn hungry, you sit down in front of a buffet of the best Mexican food and just as you’re about to eat... BANG! Someone hits you in the stomach will the mallet twenty times and pulls you into another room, away from the food until the next time the food gets horny... wait I think I mixed my metaphors... ah well.

Its not just the balls ladies, guys have other things to worry about. Let me run them down for ya.

Women. I think this one is pretty self explanatory. I would get into the particulars but my girlfriend will get brought up and then I might have to find a new roommate again for the fourth time this week. If you don’t understand, you’ve a) never dated a woman before b) never had a mother c) grew up in a bizarro land of the All Men.

Man Period. Women complain about their periods. I understand and empathize. Not sympathize, empathize because men also have periods. Granted, we don’t have to wear tampons but we also have them. Everyone goes through a period of low of hormones that cause them to have some pissy mood swings. So there ladies!

Chivalry. I don’t mind opening doors and pulling out chairs for women but having to pay for everything sucks. My bank account is a living sign of this problem.

Hair. Having hair everywhere blows and it makes it about 20 degrees hotter. You ladies try wearing a fur body suit during the summer.

Sports. Yeah ladies you think that we love sports. We all do... generally. But God forbid you’re like my old roommate who didn’t like sports that much. Anytime he met a dude, the conversation would turn towards sports and he had to pretend he knew what he was talking about. Sports knowledge and upkeep is a fulltime job and if you slack and even take a week off, you run the risk of being considered an outsider.

So you ladies don’t have it that tough. Trust me, a representative of guys everywhere.

Staring down the barrel of 30

Tired bored kitty cat... just like me. Except I'm not a cat.

Hello gang! So I missed a bunch of entries last week but I had the worst flu/cold/shitmypants disease. Man, it sucked. I was completely out of it. I slept for 4 straight days and didn’t do anything but cough up brown and green boogers and polish off a bottle of Nyquil. Bad times.

It’s a sign that I’m dying slowly. Okay maybe not dying but I’m certainly fucking older.

Man, where does the time go? It feels like just yesterday I was celebrating my 21st birthday, getting drunk and pulling tubes with the boys and now I’m 5 days away from my 30th birthday and I’ll I want to do is sleep. Sleep for days. Sleep for weeks. Sleep for... well you get the point.

You ever have that not so fresh feeling? I do.

Its like that song by Sublime, “Burritos”... ‘I don’t wanna go and party, I don’t wanna shoot the pier, I don't wanna take the doggie for a walk, I don't wanna look at naked chicks and drink beer...’ In fact, I have no idea what I want to do. Right now, nothing sounds exciting.

This weekend after I got over my sickness, I needed to get out of the house and do something. But what? I racked my brain and tried to figure it out. Nothing came to mind.

Where’s my passion? I have no idea. I used to be so gung ho about making it Hollywood and being the next big thing but now, it even that doesn’t seem very important to me at all. I have a big phone call with a mucky muck producer today to possibly get my very first writing assignment for money and you know what? I don’t care. At all.

Its not that I don’t care, I guess I’ve just reserved to the fact that if it works out it does, if not, well screw it I’ll work at McDonald’s.

And its not like I’m depressed. I’m actually quite happy considering everything. But I’m just blah. Maybe I need something that sounds exciting. Can you think of anything for a slowly dying 30 year old to do that would give me a boost of fun? Anything that’s legal of course... and doesn’t involve a lot of money.

wow, where has the time gone?

Blog update

So, I’ve been a terrible person and haven’t updated this thing in a long time. I guess people are reading since some of you have called and complained. Wow, you really care about my rambling bullshit? Thanks!

Where have I been this whole time? Well, I worked on this other gig for a while, as assistant to the director of Cats and Dogs 2. It was a ton of work and not a bad experience overall, but if you would have asked me during it I would have told you it sucked balls.

I finished up and went back to my office job here at the WB. Good times. Now, I only have a couple more months at this gig before I have to find yet another job. Welcome to the wonderful world of Hollywood, where people search for jobs like Barry Bonds searches for ... well... a job on a baseball team.

All my extra free time has been spent writing a script for these producers. Who knows what will happen with it... its taking me a while to complete and now they want me to put it on the back burner and write a slasher film... sigh. I don’t know what’s going to happen but if the slasher flick is going to get me a little closer to a full time writing career, I’ll do it.

So, today I am writing this slasher synopsis. Yawn.

What else is going on? Well, I’m that much closer to my 30th birthday, hooray. I’ve got my normal life with the girlfriend and the dog and the apartment and the blah blah blah... who cares right?

The important part you walk away from this thing is that I’m a slacker for not updating my blog and that there will be more coming. I promise. And they will be a lot more entertaining than this one I swear.

April Fool's Day

When I was in college, April Fool’s was my favorite day of the year. My roommate Vogel and I would play practical jokes on every single person we knew, including each other. I could write an entire book about the evil jokes we played on people... shit that might be a good idea! Ah the good ol’ days.

There is one completely evil joke that sticks out in my mind.

I told my ex that I would get her really good on April Fool’s, she told me there was no way, she could see through any attempt made. We made a bet on it then and there. I was determined to win.

April Fool’s rolled around and I played my cards right. My ex knew that it was coming, so she was on guard. Everything I said and did, she was on it like a hawk. But I was biding my time, I knew if I waited long enough, went to school, came back, she would forget.

So when I saw her later that day, I was prepared. She came up to front door on that rainy night to discover a note, sitting at the edge of my apartment door.

She walked in and handed the note to me, I opened it, read it over quickly and put it in a drawer.

The key to a good practical joke is to know some one’s weakness and exploit. My ex’s weakness was two fold; curiosity and jealousy.

She asked me who wrote the note, I told her my other ex, the girl I dated last before dating her. She asked me what it said, I told her simply, “Nothing.”

BANG! The look on her face was unbelievable. She was torn because she told me just two weeks earlier that she was sick of being jealous all the time and she was going to try to push those feelings out of her head and not bring them up.

But at the same time, here was this note, in the rain, and she didn’t know what it said. And it was from that bitch I used to date!

I went outside, pretending to check out my buddy Kyle’s new Jeep. Really, I was just letting her stew.

As we laughed outside, I pictured her opening the drawer and reading the note. Would she do it? Would curiosity kill the cat?

I walked back in and there was my ex, standing by the front door with her arm on her side, waiting not very patiently for me to get back. She said that she wanted to read the note. I told her that I would let her if she didn’t get mad.

I gave her the note and ran into my bedroom.

The note from my ex ex, which was written by me of course, slowly revealed more information as you read it, finally culminating with a big reveal of our illicit affair, the torrid things I did to her, and how much she loved me.

I heard a rustle outside my door, she stormed in the room right at me, ready to punch me in the face.

I pulled up my shirt, showing her the words “Happy April Fool’s Day” which Vogel wrote on my stomach for me earlier.

She looked at the words, stunned. Then she starting crying. A lot.

I felt so bad. So very bad. But I won! I beat her! Woooooo Hooooo!

What did I win? I don’t remember exactly. Was it worth it to put her through the emotional rollercoaster? It wasn’t at the time but after she broke my heart years later, it now feels pretty good.