Here is a taste of my new column to be appearing on the Phat Phree.com that I will be writing with Brandon. Its a head to head type of thing about important sports topics. Here's my defense of the WNBA being a better league than Arena Football League. Enjoy!
The WNBA is most exciting sports league on the planet, maybe the universe. Obviously, that’s a blanket statement that everyone agrees with.
I could describe the well know virtues of the league-
-the record shattering TV ratings
-the 2,000 straight sold out games
-the seas of WNBA jerseys you see on every man, woman and child throughout the world
-the international icon Sheryl Swoopes who has become the popular face of stage and screen, thanks to her illustrious WNBA career
-the excitement of the game itself with its hyper competitive nature, the dynamic showtime theatrics, the constant dunking and alley oops, the high shooting percentage, etc etc
...but everyone knows these facts. I don’t have to defend something that’s so strong and well organized, that’s like the US defending Iraq or something.
No, I’m here to prove a well known point and shed a little light into a dark cracks of lies- the WNBA is better than the Arena Football League and not for reasons that you already know.
Of course you all love the WNBA. But not all of you hate the AFL. Not until now. They put out a front that they’re this silly little indoor football league. They’re not.
The Arena Football league is an evil organization hell bent on destroying the world. They’re like Cobra, the Decepticons and the Legion of Doom all rolled into one, but if that group was lead by the demon offspring of a robot Hitler and Skeletor.
Sure, they look like a fun loving group of lazy teams that don’t want to deal with playing in cold weather and don’t want to have to run very far down the field. But if you look at the financial statements of the league, you find very shady mathematics.
First, where does the revenue come from? No one goes to these games and even fewer people watch them on TV. Is the AFL even on TV? They must play the games on PBS or the new Oprah network, The FishTaco Channel, cause I haven’t seen a game before.
So if they aren’t making money on the football, how can they still be around after all these years? The secret? Streams of revenue that would make the mafia jealous; drug sales, gambling, extortion, prostitution, selling post dated medications, cat kidnapping (better know as catnapping) and selling shirts with super funny sayings like ‘McLovin’ or ‘Nerds do it in Binary’.
I know you’re saying to yourself, “Self, that’s not much worse than what I used to do to make ends meet in college.” I agree. You guys were pretty bad in college.
The reasons to raise this capital isn’t for pure profit or put the owners of the league in fur lined UGGS, it’s to spread chaos throughout the world and take now modern society as we know it.
Here’s a short list of a few but not all of the things that the AFL are responsible for-
-12-21-2012 look that shit up bitches, scary huh?
-Paris Hilton
-AIDS in Africa
-Back Hair
-Global Warming
-Leggings
-High gas prices
-The writer’s strike and the upcoming actor’s strike
-Y2K
-Homelessness
-The world’s economic downturn
-Did I mention Paris Hilton?
In short, the AFL is responsible for the world ending. I could elaborate on the world ending but there’s not much to say beyond that the world ends and... stuff. And then all the bad things would end... And that would be bad. Why? Well, and ah, wait ... I’ll have get back to you on that.
Come to think of it, maybe the AFL has the right idea. End the world and all the bad stuff ends... hmmm. Is it too late to pick the AFL instead?
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