Christmas Sucks.

Christmas is LAME. LAME in all CAPS. I know that people love them some X-Mas, but I feel like it’s a bunch of stupid traditions and capitalism meant to boost 4th quarter sales numbers for the US economy.

Call me the Grinch or Scrooge. I’m all that times 40 this year.

Yes Christmas, that magic time where people-

-Max out their credit cards

-Buy other people they don’t like trinkets just so they can be social and not look like assholes, even though 99% of people are just that, dumb assholes

-Get stressed out because they don’t get their Year End Bonus (which just happened to me. I now feel like Clark Fucking Griswald, my boss just gave me a gift card and said, “Oh yeah, I forgot to give you a bonus check.” What the hell am I supposed to say to that? “Go get your check book?” I’m screwed. Maybe I can buy Christmas gifts with the Bloomingdales gift card he gave me.)

-Pretend to like their family members.

I know that I’m supposed to feel like there is some sort of spirit inside me, making me want to be with my family and spread cheer throughout the countryside by spending crazy amounts of cash. Sorry, that’s not me, not now. My Motto- Life’s a bitch and then you die. Not exactly Rudolph and Frosty material.

I don’t want to spend every last penny from my tiny bank account and the last thousand on my credit limit for everyone presents. I’m fucking broke bitches! You guys are rich, buy yourself something cool. Don’t make me feel cheap because I don’t have enough cash to buy you something. Yet, in keeping with tradition, I need to spend my rent money to buy a shit load of gifts so that I wake up after New Years broke and thinking I need to pull a bank job so I don’t evicted. But don’t complain J- IT’S TRADITION!

And even if I buy a gift for someone, if I don’t spend at least a hundred bucks, the gift is most likely going to be something they don’t like or won’t use. Shit, most people’s gifts get used once the day of Christmas and then tossed aside and eventually tossed out.

And shouldn’t there be equality for what you’re gifting and receiving? If I give a kick ass expensive gift that I put a ton of thought into (for example the one I gave to my boss, fucking crap) you need to make sure you come correct on my gift bitches. I’m broke and I’m busting my ass to spend a buttfuck ton of money so that you won’t throw out my gift and you give me a gift card! WTF!?!?!?! This fucking gifting thing is redick. Fo reala!

And it’s not the gifting/broke thing that bugs me the most. It’s the supposed HOLIDAY part.

You have to spend time with your family for the holiday, even if that means you must drive or fly (in post 9/11 holiday airport hell) to the ends of the Earth to see them. That sounds like a nice relaxing start and end to anyone’s holiday.



I’ll be driving to Phoenix (instead of dealing with those lines) Sunday morning for my lovely holiday with my lovely family.

Is this what I really want to do with my time off? Hell no. I’d rather stay at home and panhandle for spare change to supplement my piteous income, but I don’t have a choice. I just really want a day to hang out in my apartment by myself, write and play guitar. Is that too much to ask? It should be my holiday right?

See in there lies the problem. If this is really supposed to be a ‘holiday’ or ‘vacation’, where is the rest and relaxation? Where is the stress free environment? Where’s the fun?

I need a serious battery recharge, and I really need to get some writing done. Too bad people don’t pay me for this blog, hahahahaha, like that would ever happen.

Until they get their shit straight with the sell-out commercial, rush around and feel stress, count me out.

PS- I think this will be the last post for a little while with Christmas coming up. I might sneak one in at ‘home’ for my ‘restful vacation’ of last minute shopping, annoying family members and driving in shitty traffic. Hooray!