Top Ten People I want to smack in the face-

You ever have the feeling that you just want to run up to someone and smack them as hard as you can in the face. I do.

I present to you the top ten people I want to smack in the face (these are people I don’t know, if I included people I knew, my ex roommate would be number one with a bullet.)



10- Britney Spears- I placed her at 10 because it’s very easy to pick on this waste of space. Yeah she sucks as a mom, performer and human being but I kind of feel sorry for her. It doesn’t mean that I’ve given up hope of smacking her in the face, I just can’t place her nearly as high on the list.



9- Mariah Carey- I’ve never liked this chick. Yeah she’s got an okay body, if you’re into big titties. But her voice is annoying, her high note screeching is like finger nails on a chalk board. And she so full of herself, I can’t stand it. Plus, have you seen Glitter? That’s reason enough to smack the shit out of her.



8- Amy Winehouse- I actually kind of like her music. But this bitch is crack crazy. And she looks like a tranny. She could easily pass for any man dressing up like a woman on Santa Monica. And her cracky face is every where. Smack smack!



7- Colin Farrell- Talk about smug assholes. This guy couldn’t act his way into a third grade play yet he’s always working. Have you seen Miami Vice? I wanted to pick up Jamie Foxx and smack Colin across the head with him. Plus he’s fucking dick to every fan, at least that’s what they say. And you know that they never lie.



6- Dr. Phil- This guy has all the answers apparently. He knows everything. Don’t question his authority, he’s too smart for that. He’s going to fix your problems and mine and everyone else’s. You know what you could fix Dr. Phil? You could fix me a sandwich. That would be a better use of your time.



5- Kirsten Dunst- Why does this chick keep getting work? Tell me one thing that she does that’s good? She’s ugly, can’t act, can’t stay sober, can’t dress herself, etc etc. I really wanted her to die in Spiderman 1, 2 and 3. Thank God she’s not going to be in any more Spiderman movies (not that I will watch anymore of them anyway).



4- Kobe Bryant- Rapist. Braggart. Overrated. Thinks he’s God’s gift to basketball and women. Smack the shit out him until he’s unable to play the rest of the season (and the Suns win the championship!)



3- Paris Hilton- Do I have to explain this one?



2- Ann Coulter- If you don’t know who this chick is, thank the Lord above you don’t. She’s the most annoying political analyst of all time, she makes Rush Limbaugh seem as likeable as Morgan Freeman. She makes outrageous claims that she can’t back up, picks fights for the sake of publicity, and says shit just to get people riled up, even if it doesn’t make any sense.... speaking of which...



1- Stephen A. Smith- ESPN’s very own asshole. This guy and I have a personal history. He guest hosted a show I was working on and he did everything he could to become the biggest dickhole in the world. The muthafucka can’t read!!!! And he blamed it on me!!!! Fuck this guy up his stupid ass with a tuba. Not only is he illiterate and a jerk, he just yells and yells when there is no reason to. It’s like that scene in Austin Powers where he can’t control the volume of his voice. Only it’s not a temporary side effect, its permanent. And even more annoying.

FUCK STEPHEN A SMITH!

There is the list, if you see any of these people, let me know. I’ll be there in a jiffy with a weighted glove, ready to knock some jaws off.