I watched the Grammy’s last night. Its not something I would normally do, I hate awards shows. But Sarah had to watch it, so I guess I had to also.
Here’s my top ten things that are wrong with the Grammy’s.
10-Dead people performances- they take video of a dead artist (last year Elvis, this year Frank Sinatra) and have them perform with a living artist mash up style (more on mash ups later.) What? Why? They’re dead? Ummmm.... is this supposed to be cool or something? I’m confused. It turns into all star karaoke, with a backing track from the pits of hell (I’m assuming that’s where Elvis and Frankie ended up). Just strange to me.
9-Not funny intros- Who the hell are the writers for awards shows? You writers have these people trying to make little funny quips, which never work. Then it makes both presenters look very awkward as they bite their lips at the shit that they have to say. Scratch the funny unless someone has something.... funny to say. (like when people get up there and make fun of Kayne, that’s always a good time). Which brings me to...
8-Angry spiteful speeches- Kayne has to make these speeches his soap box to remind America that he’s fucking crazy, self centered and full of hate. Telling everyone about how awesome you are and how everyone else didn’t help you is always a great way to show you’re humble. Then when you finally get to talking about your dead mom ten minutes later, they turn on the hurry up music. Good job alienating all the old people by yelling at the lady who plays the music because you used your time saying how awesome you are. That’s your own fault asshole. God I hate Kayne. Speaking of which, here’s another point about these acceptance speeches...
7-Long boring speeches- It’s simple people. Get up there, thank God, your parents, record label, band mates (if you have any) and some random celebs really fast and get off the stage. No one wants to hear you drone on with names no one knows. Fuck, put all your thanks on a blog and tell everyone to go to the blog site. Bang! You thanked everything you can think of there, and it doesn’t take up everyone else’s time that doesn’t care about your friends.
6-Long ass commercial breaks- I understand that they have a lot of stuff that they have to show in one sitting, so there isn’t room for a lot of commercial breaks. But to take a couple 10 minute commercial breaks is ridiculous. If I wasn’t surrounded by people who wanted to watch the Grammy’s, you would have lost my viewership during the second of these long capitalistic brainwashings.
5-West coast feed is three hours late- The Grammy’s start at 8 PM, regardless of where you live which means on the West Coast we get a three hour late show, even if it is filmed in LA! WTF!? Some of our friends went to the show taping, and they were out at the after parties when we first turned on the broadcast. Sarah was getting all these cryptic texts from her sister, giving her hints about the broadcast. Not fair.
4-Lifetime Achievement Awards- They announce a ton of these awards, yet they are almost like an after thought. They don’t allow the people to speak and accept the award, nor do they even really show anything about them or play much of their music. They get a 30 second blurb and that’s it. The Band deserves more than just a mention. What about a tribute to them by some of their contemporizes.
3-Crack heads winning awards- When Amy Winehouse won an award for something (I can’t remember what) she looked like someone gave her a big old bowl of crack rock. Her speech was like what I would expect someone from Snatch to say, giving shot outs to her husband in jail and London. Never give a crack head a Grammy. Unless it is Flavor Flav.
2-Too many fucking awards- They have an award categories for everything you could think of, like 500 total. I think I might have won a Grammy last night but I was too bored to read it off the bottom line scroll. I guess Obama won a Grammy last night... wait what? I’m so confused now.
1-Mash ups- It seems like every year they take a couple of artists that have absolutely no connection to each other and have them perform together. Sometimes this works out, most of the time it doesn’t. Two great examples from this year’s Grammy’s- Kid Rock doing some fucking old ass song with some broad who is old enough to be his grandma (and Rock told her she’s sexy.... gross) and the Time get back together for one show and then here comes Rihannniaaaa or however you spell her name to sing with them. But she wasn’t doing old Time songs, she’s just singing her bullshit. The Time only got one fucking song together! One song!
There Grammy's, take that list and come back to next year with something much better.
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