Friday, January 4, 2008

How I broke my arm


---Don't try this at home. Please.

My parents have never heard the truth to how I broke my arm. I told them I broke it playing basketball, which is a partial truth. I was sort of kind of playing basketball. If you count jumping off a table to dunk as playing basketball than yes I was playing basketball.

When I was 15, I was with some friends shooting hoops inside a Mormon church (if you didn’t know this, every Mormon church has an indoor basketball hoop) when some one (probably me) had the genius idea to jump off a table so that we could dunk. At the time, it was a Eureka moment to end all Eureka moments. Why didn’t we think about this earlier!?

The first couple of times we attempted dunks, the table was right next to the rim, the degree of difficulty small and the chances of getting hurt were very slim. But then I had a great idea, why don’t we get running start, jump off the table from much further away and make some monster slams? Again, a great idea at first, but a really bad idea in retrospect.

I thought I could get a running start like the Phoenix Suns mascot the Gorilla, run from one side of the court to the other and slam that baby down. Which I did, actually. It was a pretty impressive run, table plant and jump, and not a bad dunk… but here’s where the problem came in…

I had so much forward momentum from the run across the court that I felt the rim giving out. I didn’t want to break it, since we were in a church, we would have to explain how our little white selves broke a ten foot rim. So I let go of the rim… another bad idea.

My momentum sent my feet out, stretching my body parallel to the ground. I landed on my left side, or more specifically, my left hand. The break somehow made my finger tips touch my forearm, bending in a way I knew was not supposed to happen and was most definitely bad for me.

As I lay there on the ground, one friend counted out like a boxing ref, giving me a ten count as I yelled in pain. That fucking jerk. Anyway…

I went home that night and showed my arm to step dad and told him that I fell down playing basketball. He said that it was probably just strained, even though it was clearly three times its normal size and I wasn’t able to move any fingers. I would normally go to my mother for help on stuff like this by my mom wasn’t supposed to get home until the next morning from a night work trip.

That night, I didn’t sleep a wink. I was seething with pain and anger, take me to the freaking hospital already!

The next morning, I laid on the couch bleary eyed when my mom came home. As soon as she saw my arm, we went to the doctor, who confirmed my thoughts that my arm was broken (and threw in a few torn ligaments for the trouble) and then gave me the fun pleasure of resetting my arm, which had already started to heal back together the wrong way. There’s no fun like breaking growing bones.

My doctor found it hard to believe that I broke my arm that badly from falling during a game. I stuck by my story, even though it was a lie. Why did I? I don’t know. Why do kids lie when they are younger? Fear that you will be grounded. That’s it pure plain and simple.

I hated having the cast on and I missed a ton of basketball games because of my arm. I eventually cut it off myself like a young idiot, so that I could play ball. My arm healed back wrong so now my left wrist has a big bumpy bone instead of a smooth one. Serves me right. I shouldn’t have lied. Now I have a physical reminder of it.

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