Hamburglar

Being poor sucks. Being hungry sucks. Being poor and hungry sucks a ton. Being poor, hungry and having your last meal stolen from you by a dog sucks the most.

When my friend Kyle was student teaching, he had about five dollars to last him all week for food. What did Kyle do with that five dollars? He bought 5 99 cent cheeseburgers from Wendy’s of course!

It was a genius idea. He would eat a hamburger a day for 5 days. Not exactly nutrious but it works.

He kept the burgers in our fridge, where he would take his dinner with us every night. Friday, after a long day of dealing with teenagers, he dragged himself into our house and microwaved his meal for the night. He had the worst day of his young teaching career. He openly wondering if God was punishing him for all the bad things he had done in his life.

Kyle put the burger down on the table and went to go get a glass of water.

This is when my old dog Sammy came ran into the room. Sammy (God rest her fat soul) was the biggest, fattest, most out of shape dog ever. She was really a pathetic creature, who only lived to eat. She loved hamburgers. Loved ‘em.

Kyle wasn’t watching Sammy but I was. It was like Sammy had been planning this caper for the whole week, studying Kyle’s eating habits and ways, waiting for the right moment. It was time.

Sammy ran into the room, jumped up to the table and pulled the hamburger out of the wrapper in one motion. It was the most graceful move that fat old Sammy ever made. Maybe of all dog time.

Kyle walked back in as I was dying of laughter. The look on his face was priceless. He was heartbroken, angry and hungry all at the same time.

I went and took Kyle to get a new burger on me, and I even bought him some fries for the trouble. It was a costly 2 dollars plus tax for me (who was also broke and hungry). But man it was worth it to see the look on his face and to hear him blame God for his bad luck.