I hate running

---This chick hates running also. Now someone has to get shot and fix this trick a drink.

I promised my sister that I would run a half marathon with her this year. Man, what a fucking mistake that was.

I’ve never liked running. I hated running laps in PE. I hated running laps when I was playing sports. I hated running from the police.

I planned on starting to run everyday after New Year’s. So far I have gone a total of 0 times.

Why?

For one, I’m lazy.

Secondly, when am I supposed to run? It feels like every free moment is taken with either-

-Something I have to do but don’t mind doing because it is part of my master plan for the year (finish my 4th draft of my new script, finish the audio on my short movie)

-Something I don’t want to do (go to work, other crap that I won’t list here so I don’t get in trouble with someone)

-Or something else that I want to do (play guitar, read, watch movies, smoke pot)

Third, I just plain fucking hate running. Hate it more than shaving. I hate it more than ham. I hate it more than my old roommate. That’s a lot of hate right there.

I just don’t get running. What’s fun about running? There is no sport to it, you’re just … running. There are no balls, no competition unless it is a race (which I won’t participate in because I will lose).

I take it I’m supposed to having fun during my asthma attack from running on crowded, smog infested LA streets, or by being a hamster running on a treadmill with nothing to look at but a muted ESPNNEWS. Fuck that.

But I made the commitment to do this thing, so what the shit do I do now?

I guess I have to run at some point, but the half marathon isn’t for another 8 months. What is the right amount of time to train for a half marathon? A month? Two months? 8 months?

Someone please help me? Give me strong longs and legs!