The continuing story of Chef Mike and George Walker Bush high as a kite at FatBurger.
(Mike and George sit in front of the jukebox, waiting for their FatBurger to arrive. )
Mike- Man, they play the dumbest shit in this place. Why I gotta listen to Madonna? Huh? Why? It’s fucking up my appetite, this bullshit-ass gay-ass music bullshit.
George- I feel like Madonna is singing to me. Her voice is inside my head and I can’t get it out. I shake my head and BOOM, she’s still there. She’s wearing that pointy bra from the 90’s, the one from the Vogue video. Wait, she just had a costume change, now she’s wearing the wedding dress from the VMA’s.
M- What the fuck does Like a Virgin mean anyway? I know that they talk about that shit in Reservoir Dogs, but that shit that Quentin Tarrantino said in the movie made less sense than this muthafuckin’ song. I’ll show Madonna’s ass some tight virgin shit.
G- I’m so high. Michael, what am I going to do? I’ve gotta sober up.
M- I told your ass to not chief the shit out of that blunt. I know you’re the Commander in Chief, but that doesn’t mean you have to Chief the blunt dawg.
G- I have a lot of stuff to do today. I’ve gotta sober up. I’ve gotta sober up. I’ve gotta sober up.
M- You’re repeating yourself. You’re annoying the shit outta me.
G- See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.
M- Propaganda? What the fuck are you talking about?
G- Well, you know, the thing about propaganda is… What are we talking about?
M- Fuck it yo. The food’s on it way out.
(The Fat Burger Employee brings out the food, a t-shirt and a camera.)
Fat Burger Employee- Number 69?
G- 69 hehehehehe.
M- Yeah, that’s us. Damn, that’s a big ass burger G.
(The FBE places the triple king burger in front of the President. He holds up the Polaroid camera.)
FBE- Smile mister President.
G- I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America — we can feed ourselves.
(Mike and George smile and the FBE takes their picture. The FBE shakes his head and walks away.)
G- (whispers to Mike) Do I look high?
M- Of course you look high muthafucka, you’re high! You’re going to look high if you’re high. That’s how it works.
G- This burger is too big. I can’t eat all of that. You know, I intend to do my best. But sometimes, things happen and you know what that means when things happen, you’re best might not be... what was I talking about?
M- The burger dawg. I told your sassy Texas ass that can’t eat that shit, but you didn’t listen to me.
G- You told me that?
M- Yeah, like two times.
G- I think you’re wrong. I always listen to the members of my cabinet and make decisions based on evidence and... I thought I got Fat fries?
M- You ordered skinnys. And I’m not part of your cabinet man.
G- There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
(Mike eats his burger.)
M- (with his mouth full) Whaaa yoo tallliin’ bout?
G- How am I going to finish this thing? Man, I'm too high.
(To be continued in the final chapter, George versus the big ass burger!)
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