Are you sick of parties with no theme? No, you’re not? Well you suck then.
I want to go to parties where every small detail has been planned out. I want to bask in the white hot glow of nerdy people going way too far with an idea. I want to be forced into silly games that I don’t want to play but are necessary for the integrity of the theme. I want to be mocked if I don’t wear a costume to a party.
Without further ado, here are my Top Ten Theme Party Ideas-
10- Bacon Party- This one is simple. Gets tons, and I mean tons, of bacon. Cook it up. Get that great bacon smell out there. Create bacon sandwiches, bacon smoothies, bacon martinis. Now, here’s the tough part. You need to create as many bacon looking things as possible. Take pink and red t-shirts and bleach white stripes on them. Dress you entire apartment with bacon related items. Hang fake bacon streamers. Voila! A bacon party! Everyone loves bacon, unless you’re a vag… I mean vegatarian. And even then, they like to smell bacon. Don’t they?
9- Under the Sea- The classic theme, as illustrated by the dance in Back to the Future. Get a bunch of tacky sea related items; shells, fish, mermaids etc. Throw them through out your place. Buy a couple of fish tanks. Put out sushi. Get a large punch bowl and fill it with blue carcoa, vodka, rum, tequila, 151, bourban and the blue toilet bowl flushy things. Yummmmm, sea punch!
8-Naked party- Tell all your friends to show up naked. If them come with clothes, strip them off. Take all of the items out of your main party space, make it naked too. Give everyone punch (see above sea punch recipe) mixed with ecstasy. Pump in some raver music and BOOM, naked party is taking off! Just make sure to invite fit people. No one likes to see fat naked people dance, unless they’re really high. Then it’s just funny.
7-Cell Phone Exchange Party- When someone walks in the door, they check in their cell phone and are given someone else’s phone. You have free reign on their cell phone, call whoever you want from their phone book. But by the end of the night, you have to get your cell phone back by talking to people and figuring who has your phone. Also, you could call yourself and listen for your ring tone. On second thought, this might be a dumb party idea.
6-Country Club Party- Everyone dresses up in their finest golfing clothes and brings their favorite clubs. Throw Caddyshack and PGA highlights on every TV. Make everyone call each other Muffy or Blaine. Talk about the stock market and how this country club is going to Hell with the inclusion of so many women members and those pesky negros. Drink of choice for the party…what do stuffy rich white people drink? Cosmos? Gin and Tonics? I’ll have to wikipedia this.
5-Lame Celebrity Party- Tell everyone to dress like their favorite lame celebrity who acts retarded. Britney, Paris, Dog the Bounty Hunter, whoever you want. Act like your house is a swank club. Make people wait out front of your place in a long line. Have your largest friend act like a bouncer, and tell everyone they have to be on the list or have 15 girls with them to get in. Once inside, play shitty music and make everyone pay $20 for a watered down drink. This sounds like a fun party right? Now, you don’t have to go to the club to have a club experience!
4- Wayne Newton Party- This idea came from Vicki Garretson. Everyone dresses like Wayne Newton or a 50 year old lady who wants to bang Wayne Newton. We play Wayne Newton music all night long, you can dance like Wayne did on ‘Dancing with the Stars’. Everyone drinks White Wine. The various Waynes will be given keys to bedrooms in the house, which they can invite the 50 year old ladies up to their swinging bachelor pad. This is such a good idea, I think I might have this party next weekend.
3-Christian Bible Study Camp Party- Everyone has to dress like a teenage Christian Bible Study Camper. There will be bible scripture readings, prayer, and bible camp sing-a-longs. You can sneak into the camper’s bunk bed rooms, where the real fun begins… drugs, premarital sex, and sneaking booze into your juice boxes. The camper who can recite the most scripture while appearing the most intoxicated wins! What do you win? Ahhhh, a bronze statue of God? Does that sound cool? It does to me. Praise Jesus.
2-Stolen Booze Party- BYOB for this party… with a catch. Every person who comes to the party has to steal the liquor from somewhere; be it a store, your next-door neighbor, another party, the police station etc. Any party goers who has video footage of the theft with be praised and their video will be shown on the giant TV screen. The most fun part of this party is when the cops show up with angry people who had their booze ripped from their hands, and the arrests that follow. Make sure to bring bail!
1-Predeath funeral party- You fake the death of the person who is throwing the party, maybe in the same way they faked Butters death on South Park by throwing a pig off of a building and saying it was the host commiting suicide. You tell everyone to show up in black and that there will be a wake. You put a coffin in the house, fill up the home with flower arrangements. During the wake, everyone will get up and speak about the host. At the perfect time, the host jumps out of the casket and says SURPRISE! Now everyone gets to party with the dead guy! You can even drink embalming fluid for a fun effect. Genius, especially if you get to watch all your friends cry and tell sad stories about you passing on. Man, I can’t wait to have this party!
So there you go. Don’t invite me to your ‘lame keg beer with no theme’ party. Spice things up and show me a good time!
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