Kobe and Jerry, part 1 of 250

I present to you a transcription of the conversation between Kobe Bryant and Jerry Buss after last night’s 126-106 win over the Seattle Supersonics.

Location- the tunnel on the way to the locker room in Bakersfield CA…

*Kobe takes off jersey and slaps a Laker Girls’ ass.

Kobe Bryant- Good game. Good game.

*The Laker Girl smiles.


Laker Girl- You want that blowjob now or after your rub down?

KB- Are you fucking kidding me? Both. And quickly before my wife gets here. And where is Taylor? I thought you were taking my dick and she’s getting my balls tonight. I have the schedule written down in my locker…


*Dr. Jerry Buss walks up with an under aged girl in each arm.

Jerry Buss- Kobe, can I talk to you for a minute?

*Kobe rolls his eyes.

KB- Go get Taylor and tell her to get her jaw ready. I want to put both of my guys in her penalty box. (To Jerry) What? What do you want now? I’m fucking busy.

JB- Scamper along girls and entertain yourselves in my office while I talk to this superstar who works for… dum dum dum… ME!!! I have some Ring Pops in my desk and a copy of High School Musical 2 on my Tivo.

*Underage girls leave. Jerry puts his arm around Kobe.

KB- Have forgotten about my contract?

*Jerry takes his arm off Kobe.

JB- Sorry, I forgot about the no touching rule for a second. It’s just that I think of you as my son, and I can put my arms around my son.

KB- Speaking of which, where’s Jeanie? I was going to have a three way with her and Phil but when I went into Phil’s office, she wasn’t there, only Phil's naked white ass trying break the contact rules of my contract again. I swear to God if shit doesn’t start getting right around here, I’ll tell a class of Kindergarteners that I want to be traded. Do you want it to come to that?

JB- No no, I’ll talk to Jeanie. I just wanted to say thanks for playing tonight. The third quarter was fantastic where you scored 16 against a group of 23 year old scrubs. I think we really put on a show for these Bakersfield rednecks.

KB- We? No no, not we. I was all me muthafucka, me. Where was that big milkdud headed Lamar Odom? What was big fucking baby Andrew Bynum doing to help me score 16 in the quarter?

JB- I meant we in a general way. Like the team.

KB- What team? You haven’t given me a team.

JB- Mitch assured me that we've put together a championship roster this year. Just look at who we added.

KB- You mean Coby Karl, a 23 year old who had cancer two times already? Yeah, you can’t pull a fast one me on me, pederast. I have the internet, I can read even if I didn’t go to college.

JB- Listen, I understand you’re pissed Kobbb but you've gotta relax. Just remember our deal? You don’t want me talking to the media about the ‘truth’.

KB- At this point, I don’t give a fuck. Tell everyone that you bought out that Colorado girl that I raped. I’d rather go to jail than be treated like this.

JB- Let’s just table this discussion until later okay. Just take my compliment on the good game and lets walk this off.

KB- Whatever…

Kobe walks away. Jerry frowns, looks like he’s going to cry.

JB- (Sings) How am I supposed to live without you?